Tuesday, February 20, 2007


Just thinking alot about my past breakups...

Even though I agreed to be friends with them, I never did speak to them again. I'm trying to think of reason(s) as to why that happens.

Is it because I can't stand the sight of them anymore? Or I just plainly hate them?

No.. that just can't be it.

All of them didn't deal with the breakup well at all... they just turned into little demanding brats who started to verbally abuse me. Or they just couldn't move on. How do you maintain a friendship with someone who keeps saying 'I love you' or 'I miss you'? It's hard. It makes things so damn awkward. More awkward than it already is to talk normally with them.

Of course, the verbal abuse just didn't cut it. Made me hate them instead.

I guess I just haven't had an ex who treated the breakup maturely, moved on, and tried to befriend me again.

I really wonder if J is able to do it. To really be friends with me again. I hope he doesn't hate me :(

I haven't done anything to cause him hatred. Unless it's the emails I've been sending to him. Doesn't seem like he reads it anyway. Geez.

Maybe he's not emotionally ready for this. He might have suggested being friends, but emotionally just not ready to be friends again. I guess I'll just have to.. back off and let him be for awhile.

All my friends keep telling me to give him some time. Awhile. But really, how long is 'some time'? Or 'awhile'? I guess I'm prepared to give him half a year. Probably just totally not email him anymore.

Not email him anymore. That will be an utter challenge. I love talking to him and telling him stuff, hearing him talk about stuff. Geez. Guess whatever that I want to say, I'd say it here instead.

Blog.. I will blog alot.


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